Friday, November 1, 2013

Who is enough?

I was greeting trick or treaters last night and Glee came on.  It was the Cory Montieth farewell and I Facebooked about it.  A friend of mine from my hometown commented that he couldn't watch it.  He is feeling too raw right now.  You see a friend of his who we went to school with took his own life last week and my friend has been asked to Officiate the Memorial service.  And then my daughter comes down from doing homework to hand out some candy because she'd had a hard day at high school.  You see she was as school yesterday and at lunch while sitting down in the communal area where the sophomores hang one of the boys from her little band of brothers went around to each small grouping of people to see if they wanted to play cards.  He was talking very quietly so she couldn't hear what he was saying.  As he works his way around, he passes by her without inviting her to play.  She asks him what he'd been saying and he point blank says.  "Oh, nothing to you!  I was asking them if they wanted to play cards, but you aren't invited!". 

As she is relating this story to me, she starts crying because even she knows, it's not about the card game.  It's about the rejection.  "Why!" she says.  "Why does this keep happening to me? What's wrong with me that no one seems to want to really be my friend?!" she says.  So there I am, the mother of this beautiful, smart, warm, funny sensitive soul who is crying out! Her soul is crying out wondering "why am I not enough?" And I wonder again what crusty soul disease are we spreading where people walking around in this life feel no remorse for so simply and easily hurting someone else?  Are we so closed off to the human experience of others that we don't have the ability to empathize anymore? 

I think to the man who in his forties suffered so that he felt no possible way to go another day.  What a tragic, senseless loss.  Those whom he left behind are thinking how they'll miss him and what he meant to them. And I think, what made him feel like he wasn't enough?  He, himself, isn't enough to the people he loves. 

Recently a friend of my family passed away due to cancer.  He left a wife, and 6 children from their combined families.  He was much loved and will be greatly missed.  As I spent time at the hospital his wife was encouraged by our clergy to have a "talk" with her husband.  What kind of talk she wondered.  I, being somewhat fresh from my having lost my father in 2012, told her to have the following talk with her husband.  Tell him, how you feel about him.  Tell him what he means to you.  Tell him every contribution he has made to your happiness and your personal emotional and spiritual journey.  Tell him, how you see the best of him in his children.  Tell him, all they ways God has used him throughout his life.  Relive, the funny, silly, sometimes rocky memories and laugh and smile and reassure him that his life has meant the world to you.  Tell him you love him and that no matter what mistakes he's made, that he has been and is Enough.  That with all his flaws, and baggage and scars and faults, that he is enough.  That his life and his abilities have changed the life and destiny of people he may never know due to those he has known.  That he is loved!  That he is enough to you and to God!  That he is enough to his children and his siblings!  That no matter what, He Is Enough! 

Then I thought to myself, "why?!" Why do we wait until someone's time on this earth is complete do we tell them, or tell the church full of mourners that this person was enough. I think to myself, that if we were actually telling one another everyday, in big ways and in small that they are more than enough, that they might not feel the need to hurt themselves.  That they might be better equipped to experience rejection without feeling unworthy of love and friendship.  That maybe is this boy as school had really felt like he was loved, nurtured, treasured enough that he wouldn't feel the need to make others feel less so he could feel more. 

So today, as you navigate this journey that your soul is taking on this earth.  Remember that you are Enough!  And that those in your life, whom you love are enough.  And let us help one another to really understand the depth to which we are loved and love each other.  So when you go, to work, home, church, the shops, anywhere Love the people God has put in your path.  Look them in the eye, in the soul and tell them they are enough.  Tell them what they mean to you.  Tell them how their very existence on this earth has enriched your life.  How your life would never be the same without them.  Tell them you love them, then do the big and small things to show them. 

Be Good to one another!